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Friday, March 24, 2006

1000lbs of turd poured into a suit

Yes. I'm saying that the Vice President of the United States is not simply full of BS, he is composed of the stuff. His very skeleton and membranes are nothing but reformulated crap. And you too, Ric Keller. You were seen cheating on your wife. You've been seen running around in your tighty-whities not two blocks from your Orlando district office. Why are these bozos happening to America, lord? WHY?

By Brendan Murray and William Roberts March 24 (Bloomberg) -- Vice President Dick Cheney said Democrats have a ``sorry record'' on national security and suggested the withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq they have suggested would fulfill the hopes of terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden.

``Leading Democrats have demanded a sudden withdrawal from the battle against terrorists in Iraq -- the very kind of retreat that Osama bin Laden has been predicting,'' Cheney said in Orlando at a fund-raising event for U.S. Representative Ric Keller, a Florida Republican.

``The leaders of the Democratic Party have decided to run on the theme of competence,'' Cheney said according to a transcript of the remarks his office distributed. ``If they're competent to fight this war, then I ought to be singing on American Idol.''

Where's Simon Cowell when you really need him?

Friday. Finally.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Norm Coleman channels North Carolina racist - rsvp now

I, you, and the whole world can do more for international diplomacy by ordering in some Chinese food next Tuesday. This from the Heritage Institute:
Just a reminder that you cordially invited to hear Sen. Norm Coleman deliver the2006 Helms International Diplomacy Lecture at The Heritage Foundation's Allison Auditorium next Tuesday night at 6:30 p.m. This program is a joint venture of the Jesse Helms Center Foundation and the UN Foundation under the auspices of the Better World Campaign.
Note: RSVPs should be made by calling 202-481-6856 or via email to <mailto:RSVP@BGRDC.com> RSVP@BGRDC.com We look forward to having you join us!

Tell 'em Cornhuskerblogger sent you before plopping down in your seat, cracking open a Schlitz and loudly demanding ``more dancing girls.'' Or boys. Whatever floats your boat. I won't get all judge-y on you.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Can Jesus spin in his grave?

Sunday's NYT Magazine piece on the Liberty University Debate Team had CHB's attention. I had the honor of chatting up the Rev. Falwell on the matter of his debate team a year or so ago. His pride in the team is obvious to anyone listening: his voice swells, he gets emotional and all up-with-kids on you.

But i'm sure his fat face would shake with sin-fearing rage were he to learn that his beloved debate coach, Brett O'Donnell lied. O'Donnell is a legend among college debating coaches. His claim to fame rests equally on his having helped coach George W. Bush for the 2004 presidential debates.

While soaking up all the GOP-loving attention, O'Donnell claimed he was ``Dr. Brett O'Donnell,'' citing a Ph.D from Penn State University. Jesus knows better -- and so too does the administrative brass in Happy Valley. O'Donnell holds a Master's Degree. Did he confess his sins? Nope, he just buried 'em. Liberty U scrubbed its website clean of "Dr." references around O'Donnell -- but the magic of Google helped unscrub the obfuscation.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Friday Fun: the Sistani Edition

If like me you've wondered just what Grand Ayatollah Uzma Sistani thinks about things, all kinds of things, you're in luck. Yes, the one indispensable figure in Iraq's struggle towards stability has something to say about virtually everything.

The guy's a nut, but he's the best nut we have in this bridge mix. And you can't fault him for thinking things through -- whether you agree or not, the guy has spared no detail it seems. Well, at least one. Browse for yourself.

So this is what $200 billion and counting bought us -- the thin hopes of Bush's democratic putsch in the Middle East now rest upon a thin, aged, radical religious freakshow who happens to be less bloodthirsty than his peers. In any event, he's not long for this world -- age and civil war are conspiring against him. If he isn't in your death pool by now, you're a total stooge.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Claude Allen: hero?

It's been fun to laugh at Claude Allen's expense. But in all seriousness, it's time to confirm outlier status on the guy and sing his praises. He is the closest thing this administration has to a Robin Hood.

While virtually everyone else in the Bush White House has been busy selling out rank and file Americans on behalf of the nation's most powerful corporate interests, lone Claude Allen played along. But all the while he was striking blow after blow against the corporate machine. His low-bore criminal behavior (what's shoplifting some electronics when weighed against conspiring to send thousands of Americans to their death in a fraudulent war?) took its bite-sized tolls on the bottom line of Big Business while the little guy (in this case, Claude Allen himself -- but also, no doubt, the other Allens who would benefit from a large screen t.v., dvd player, etc etc) reaped the benefits.

It's not quite stealing from the rich to help the poor, but it is stealing from the big rich corporations to help the not-stinking-rich (our Robin Hood pulled down a $160,000 annual salary, considerably more than that mythic arrow-slinger from merry ol' youknowwhere.) So let's give credit where it is due.

Brave, brave Sir Allen...

Friday, March 10, 2006

Schadenfreude, Thy Name is Allen

Some of CCM's 3 readers may remember the case of Claude Allen. Having been a player in the Virginia state government (if memory serves, he ran their welfare department), Allen became DepSec of the US Department of HHS when George W. Bush took (and I do mean took) office in 2001. In 2003, Allen was nominated to sit on the US Court of Appeals for the 4th Circuit. Back then, Democrats ran the Senate, and his nomination never got a vote.

During the period between Allen's nomination and his nomination's eventual lapse, Allen's GOP supporters made some noise about how Democrats were opposing Allen because he was black rather than because of his judicial qualifications, temperament, etc. [Update: an informed source has explained to me that the initial opposition to Allen among Senate Dems was due to a dispute over which states should get 4th Circuit seats---Allen is from Virginia, whereas Maryland's Democratic senators wanted a Maryland native appointed. I don't know how much of the later opposition was substantive. My understanding is that such disputes are not uncommon.] For instance, Peter Kirstanow wrote on NRO that
Special vituperation, however, seems to be reserved for minority nominees suspected of being pro-life. Estrada, Rogers Brown, Claude Allen, and Levanski Smith were/are among these apostates. Pro-life minority nominees represent the perfect storm for Left-leaning opposition groups: non-conformist role models from the Left’s most reliable voting blocs who may one day be in a position to reconsider Roe v. Wade. Better to filibuster them than to have a televised debate on the Senate floor that might raise interesting and useful questions concerning the merits of monolithic minority support for one party or an unyielding defense of Roe.
And here's what C. Boyden Gray, who's been leading the charge for activist, axe-grinding Bush nominees in the most ad hominem of ways, had to say about Allen on July 7, 2004:
Claude Allen promises not to advance a political agenda from the federal bench he has been nominated to, but to be the type of judge who buttresses the foundation of American government — by applying the rule of law however he finds it. President Bush, and the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit, could do much worse than Allen. By the grace of democratic principles overriding a minority in the Senate, let us hope they do not have to.
"The type of judge who...appl[ies] the rule of law however he finds it."

Turns out he applies the "possesion is nine-tenths of the" rule of law on all sorts of things he finds:
When Claude Allen, President Bush's longtime domestic-policy adviser, resigned suddenly on Feb. 9, it baffled administration critics and fans. The White House claimed that Allen was leaving to spend more time with his family....

News today may shed light on the mystery of Allen's resignation. According to the Montgomery County Police Department, Allen was arrested yesterday and charged in a felony theft and a felony theft scheme. According to a department press release, Allen conducted approximately 25 fraudulent "refunds" in Target and Hecht's stores in Maryland. On Jan. 2, a Target employee apprehended Allen after observing him receive a refund for merchandise he had not purchased. Target then contacted the Montgomery County Police. According to a source familiar with the case, Target and the police had been observing Allen since October 2005.
See this Slate article for more.

Can't help but notice that as recently as February 9, 2006, Andrew T. Hyman, blogging at ConfirmThem, wrote
Rumor has it that Milan Smith is the leading prospect to succeed Judge Tashima in the Ninth Circuit. Regarding a successor for Judge Murnaghan in the Fourth Circuit, I hope that UVA Law Professor Caleb Nelson will be considered, as well as Claude Allen who was previously nominated for that seat.
I wonder if Mr. Hyman is still hoping....I also wonder if Boyden Gray still thinks Claude Allen is the right sort of Judge for America. You know, private property rights and all---usually kind of a key factor for the sorts of charming, well-dressed millionaire supporters of President Bush whom Robert Novak likes to lionize.

Novak Should Quit the Day Job

For unintentional comedic achievement, you just have to admire yesterday's Robert Novak column. I don't have the time to go through all the laugh lines, but the best might be this one:
Although he is the target of relentless assaults from Democrats, Bush dreams of replicating in chilly Washington the warmer political climate of Austin.
Riiiiiiggghhhht: Try as he might, George W. Bush just doesn't seem to be able to convince those mean old Democrats to join him in forging a bipartisan approach to solving America's problems together. So naive, that political peacemaker George.

Ok, I can't help it. Here's another:
So, why would the President think Rubin would help him? Perhaps Bush was naive and misled by superficial impressions. Rubin, now chairman of Citigroup, is a handsome, well-dressed, soft-spoken, charming multi-millionaire whom Bush might have mistaken for one of his rich Republican friends from Texas.
Got that? "Rich Republican Bush friend from Texas"="handsome, well-dressed, soft-spoken, charming multi-millionaire".

No wonder that man of the people, George W. Bush, was fooled by Robert Rubin....he didn't look like one of those facially scarred street ruffians who can't string together a sentence in proper English.

Ken Lay, Bob Rubin....hard to tell them apart I guess.

Save us from our own legislation!

For sheer hypocritical chutzpah, it's hard to beat this letter to the editor publlished in the March 9 NYT:
To the Editor:

Re "Scant Drop Seen in Abortions if Parents Are Told" (front page, March 6):

The story is not whether statistics document a drop in teenage abortions after passage of parental involvement laws.

The real story revealed in your article is that abortion-clinic workers have witnessed parents threatening physical violence against their pregnant teenage daughters if the girls do not agree to an abortion.

Surveys of women having abortions find that 6 to 8 percent report their reason for aborting is that their parents want them to.

So much for reproductive rights and freedom of choice.

Perhaps we need a new round of state laws protecting teenagers who are coerced into abortion by their parents. Now that would be a story!

Carrie Gordon Earll
Director, Issue Analysis
Focus on the Family
Colorado Springs, March 6, 2006

Here it is, a bit more briefly:
  1. We want laws to force teens to tell their parents that they're pregnant if they want to be able to get an abortion---because parents have a right to know and make decisions about their children's medical choices!

  2. We get those laws.

  3. We find out that some parents want their daughters to get an abortion!

  4. We certainly don't conclude that our law is working as planned. No, we propose a new law that prevents parents whose choices differ from our own from realizing those choices!

  5. Summary: when our law works as intended but in the wrong direction, demand a new law to make sure that our original law's effects are prevented from occurring!
At least South Dakota's legislature is intellectually honest.

Note: For the record, I do not think that parents should be allowed to force their children to have undesired abortions. Just as I do not think that religious extremists and their allies should be allowed to force women to carry pregnancies to term.

Update: Ok, I admit "briefly" is probably inapt. So how about "honestly"?

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Enceladus: untouched by W...

D.C.'s real estate market taugh the CHBs a powerful lesson: buy early or don't buy at all. So maybe a little place near the beach....

Wednesday, March 08, 2006


Saturday, March 04, 2006

And he's still got his pension...

Wielding high public office to defraud the taxpayers, impair the national defense and squeeze out millions of dollars in loot: 8 years and four months.

Wielding a cell phone to rob some banks of a few thousand dollars: 12 years.

Duke Cunningham's sentence set a new mark for Congressional shame. And yet his prison term doesn't measure up to that of a two-bit bank heist by a crazy chica.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Laura Bush poses with members of the Bush cabinet

CHB may be mistaken, but since when did Rumsfeld begin wearing the bows in his hair?

How to make a Nebraskan hurl?

It's easy...read this.

The face that only an anorexic could love...

Don't pick up the soap, Congressman

As CHB awaits Rep. Randy Cunningham's sentencing -- the first in what promises to be a Niagara-like cascade of prison sentences coming down the Grand Old way -- he is reminded of an old story about the Dukestir's conception of self.

Soon after Cunningham piloted his way to a congressional seat, he took to dining out at House-side eateries and bars on the Hill. He relished his time at the head of such tables, enjoyed being the big man in D.C. And he didn't like to pay his tab. Even when a restaurant manager reached his congressional office to plea for remittance, Cunningham thundered ``Don't you know who i am?''

Soon, he'll be another convinct with a number. That's who he is.

Let's make sure the tide of corruption and lies is fully rolled back. And that means not being satisfied sweeping away merely the turdburglars like Cunningham, whose vanity and rotten soul played like nefarious drama on a high stage. There are still higher stages upon which even bolder acts of craven nogoodery were committed.